Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

a trip

Its three 3:46 am and I’m very tired. I don’t know what time it will be when I finally get done writing this. I don’t even know why I am writing this. I guess you could call it fear. I spent the whole night on lea’s laptop listening to music and browsing the Internet. Throughout the whole day I had been telling myself that I would work out an easy and not very strenuous plan before I went to bed. So, as 12:30am or so rolls by I tell myself its time to get to it and to the garage I go. I get there, turn on some madball, get right to it. Did some arms and shoulders, a little bit more than I should have I think. About 1:20am I come back upstairs feeling completely fine, grab a pair of underwear and off to the shower I go. Take of my clothes, take off my glasses (which I happen to be wearing too much lately) get in the shower. Feels real good. I put some shampoo on my head. I can’t see anything without my glasses on. So I start scrubbing my body, no soap or anything just yet. I went to feel my testicles and every time I do some sort of sports or anything my right testicle for some odd reason always sit a little farther down than the left. So I go to grab it and just kind of pull it forward and then it struck me. This weird feeling I guess could be called pain but it was minimum. So I continued to feel to check if anything was wrong but nothing was wrong at all, I couldn’t visually see it due to my glasses being far away and everything was blurry. Then, out of nowhere I felt sick to my stomach as if something poisonous was just let loose in my body and it traveled from my nuts to my brain. i was getting the feeling where I had to throw up but there was no gagging or gasping for air. All the sudden it clicked. This had never happened to me but I knew right there and then something was wrong. As I continue to feel sick my vision started going out. Everything around me started turning white. I was already seeing nothing as it is and this was not a good sign. The hot water was hitting my head so I decided to stick my head fully in the water and wash off the shampoo so I could get the hell out of there and ask for help. Everyone in the house is asleep at this time but I still would not hesitate to wake someone up by either running to their room naked, or screaming for help. As the shampoo comes off my head I realize im getting dizzier and dizzier and dizzier so I grab the glass door top so I wont collapse. By this time, the entire red bathroom had turned white. I could not make any objects out. I just kept on holding on and asking god not to let this happen. I immediately realize I need to get out of there. Thus I reach down and shut off the water and as the water slowly stops dripping im slowly regaining my vision back. I see the water switch thingy. I look up and open the door still completely groggy. I grab my towel and just throw it around my body real quick barely even drying it. I haven’t felt my nuts since I started feeling stomach sick and that’s the last thing I want to do right now. By this time i put my glasses on and see that I can still see everything meaning im regaining my senses. My heart is pounding. I put my underwear on and run to my room. Its 1:45am, I do not want to wake anyone up. Besides, I already feel better. I laid on my bed staring at the ceiling for over 30 minutes thinking of what I just went through, thinking of what’s wrong with me. I can’t go to the doctor right now because my insurance only starts covering my high expenses after November 10th. I don’t know what im going to do. I think the best thing is to be “crippled” for a while and just lay in bed waiting for time to pass praying to god that nothing is terribly wrong with my insides and that everything will be back to normal soon. Its 4:30am right now and im feeling completely fine but scared shitless to go to sleep. I think one thing is for sure. I’m going to be out of shape for a while because I will not work out again anytime soon. Maybe I’ll do some chest but I will not do anything standing up at all. If this is what passing out feels like I don’t want to feel it again. It felt as if death and I had a staring contest and I almost blinked first. Wake me up if I fall asleep.

fuckin' stupid!

Monday, August 25, 2008


i once peed 3 times while on the phone with someone
that might have been the biggest waste of my time

Monday, August 11, 2008

Monday, August 4, 2008

where am i?

my brother got his 'green card' in the mail today.

Saturday, July 26, 2008